Letting Go

Each blog is someone’s journey and I’ve started mine off at the very lowest point. As I climb out of the hole in which I had subsisted for so long, every step that I take is not perfect. I grumbled and complained about having to learn the new method of applying for jobs. It is very complex, and there are many players that didn’t exist 30+ years ago when I first was an applicant out of college. For many whom I have met on social media, I owe you a great debt of thanks.

I consider myself to be very lucky to have enjoyed six or seven seriously interested employers, each potential one evaluating my skills against the needs of their job, and the culture in which I would be entering if I were I to be chosen.

In my most recent test, I met with two hiring officials in county government to give a demonstration of my abilities as a classroom instructor. My preparation was impeccable, and delivery was also on target. It wasn’t until after the hard part was finished that I really begin to relax. A finishing questions from the hiring manager was “can you think of a time in your career that you disagreed with a manager’s decision?”

As is the nature of depression and depressed people, I can remember chapter and verse of the many times which I lost sleep because of work. I worked with very ambitious, and very talented people. They often wanted to cut corners when they could if that meant they saved money, they save time, or they looked good in front of their own leaders. Unfortunately for me, I remember all too well having to point out the line between looking good, and legal boundaries. I recounted a particularly heated event and included every minuscule detail of one upline leader, known for being a bully, and often asking blind loyalty and immediate execution of her orders, down to the micromanaged fine level details.

I was not offered the job, and I turned and I re-turned In my mind what possibly could have gone wrong with such a great delivery and preparation? It wasn’t until lunch with a very good and close friend whom I worked with many years that she pointed out exactly what had gone wrong. She looked me right in the eye and in her most loving voice said to me “Glen, you told them too much.”

Too much?

She explained, “of course you were right in what you did, but that was so many years ago.” “You remembered for so many years, and they don’t need to know that, just that you’re not a wimp, and that you’re able to get along with everybody.” “Nobody wants to hire someone who’ll get their knickers in a twist and then never let it go!”

There’s a moral to this story. Depression changes a person in very lasting ways. It makes us sensitized to our environments, and if only it helped us hold onto the excellent times instead of re-living the sad times. We can do something about it. Hold onto the good times. Hold strong to the truth that many people love and care about you. I will be asked again, and I’ll say “there have been a few times over the years, but no problem too large for us to come to agreement and move on.” 😇

Take the time to demonstrate your love and care for the good people in your life, and it will be a quantity of good time extended, and not trapped in the clutch of a dark, insidious master. Celebrate and pay forward the nice things that others do for you, and please accept my sincere wish for happier times ahead.

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